Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
BRING THE BAGELS
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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