Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I have feelings that need drinking.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
