Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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