I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
