I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Randomize
