Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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