Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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