I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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