I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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