Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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