I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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