all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I need to sanitize my soul.
Randomize
