mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
