So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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