she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
