My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize