Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
