I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Church boner. Awkwardddd
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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