absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
