His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
