they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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