she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
