Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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