you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
