matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
