Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
