Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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