Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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