Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
When are your genitals available?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
