Say something about gay babies.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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