i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
