Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
