Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize