shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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