grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
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