No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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