dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
