you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
