cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
