Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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