And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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