All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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