Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
