omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
this is an emotional support booty call
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
