i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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