I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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