she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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