I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
