you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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