One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Operation Purity has been aborted
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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