who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
