my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
That accounts for only three of the penises
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
