Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
