what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
