Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
