Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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