Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
