mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize