I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
