Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Randomize
