Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
