nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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