real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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