Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
