I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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