i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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