I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
