I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
