like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
