hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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