Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize
